A Simple Unsubscribe Request...
It all started late on a slow day at the office
.. I was browsing through my trashed email, making sure my SPAM filters weren't
ditching anything I might have wanted (which doesn't happen very often.) I
noticed that quite a bit of the mail I was manually trashing (meaning, not
caught by the SPAM filter) was stuff which I probably subscribed to sometime in
the distant past, but really didn't want. Pseudo-SPAM. All of these emails I get
every couple of days - stuff from PalmOne, DigitalIQ, Investors Business Daily,
etc. And all of them had unsubscribe links at the bottom. Not having anything
better to do, I clicked on a few - maybe clicked another web page button as a
confirmation of my desire to not get their crap anymore. Basically really easy -
I should have done it sooner. I never read this stuff any longer, why even let
it clutter up my inbox?
Then I came to something I get 2-3 times a week: Microsoft's Office Newsletter. I know I probably signed up for this sometime when I registered a copy of office, or downloaded one of the updates for it. I know I read it once or twice and then promptly forgot about it - except that I just kept deleting it every couple of days. I clicked the unsubscribe link. Like many others, I was taken to an unsubscribe page. But this page didn't have a nice "You are now unsubscribed" message. Or even a button that said "Click here to unsubscribe." Instead, it had this message:
And what's this about "...we will ask you to create a Passport. Why? So we can be certain we never send mail unless you say so." Well, they certainly didn't have me sign up for a Passport account to send me mail, why the hell would I want to sign up for one for them to stop? I know - those scurrilous rogues out there going around and unsubscribing innocent people are getting worse every day. Thank God Microsoft is doing something about them. Jerks.
So this is the only way, huh? Sign up for more Microsoft crap just to get less of it. Being in a particularly contrary mood, I decided I'd run with it and see what it took:
Step One: Create a new .NET Passport. I jumped through the hoops. I gave them the email address they kept mailing stuff to. I gave them a password. I deciphered their nearly unreadable security image (seriously - is that a broken up "C" there or a capital "L". I decided on "L"). I made sure the "Share my email address" option was off and then typed my email address AGAIN to "sign" the agreement to be beaten by Microsoft thugs whenever Bill decided it was a good idea. I hit "I Agree". Woohoo! I was the proud new owner of a .NET Passport! And all it cost was my soul!
Step Two: Following the directions from the first unsubscribe page, I followed the link to the "Profile Center" where I was to find the link to "Current Newsletters" where I could uncheck the newsletter I wanted to remove. Well, that is, except for the fact that there is nothing labeled "Current Newsletters" on the "Profile Center" page anywhere. None. Soo...
Step Two, Revised: Click on all the menu items, looking for something like newsletter subscriptions. Ahhhh .. "Subscription Center" - that must be it. Click. Now I get a screen saying I don't have any email addresses registered with .NET, and to visit the "Profile Center" and add one! What? Didn't I just:
Step Two, Revised Again: Go back to the "Profile Center." Sure enough, there is a section there (conveniently blank) called "My E-Mail Address" Yes, the email I'd typed three times isn't there. I have to add it. I click on the "Add" button. I add my email address. The same one I have given them THREE TIMES ALREADY! Punks. I end up on a screen warning me not to close my browser or browse away from the page before getting an email confirmation and clicking on the link enclosed. Yes - now I have to get email confirming my wish to add an email address to my account where my login is my email address. This is getting really retarded. I wait. 15 minutes goes by with me hitting the "Get Mail" button every 30 seconds or so. I get no confirmation.
Step Two, The Saga Continues: I go back to the "Profile Center." My session has expired. Nice. Just as I'm about to log in again, Mail starts bleating that it has a new message. Sure enough! It's the email confirmation I've been waiting for! I click on the enclosed link, and ... AND ... I get an error message that the email confirmation link I just received has expired and to try again. I go back to my login, enter my email address and password, and I'm back to the Profile Center. Guess what? My email address is now listed! Hurrah! I should have known that it would take an error to actually get something done on this site. What a piece of crap. Just for shits and giggles, I click on the edit button for the email address section to add another email address I get Microsoft stuff for. But guess what? It only allows one email address to be entered. Not multiple ones. Just one. See, if you had multiple addresses, I could see where the email section would make sense (sort of - why didn't it add the one I already entered a zillion times?) You could add them all in and have them all in one place for management. Instead, it's just a nuisance.
Step Two, One More Time: I return to the illustrious "Subscription Center" and sure enough - there it is. The holy grail. The Microsoft Office Newsletter with a check beside it. I unchecked it. Hit the "Apply" button and that was that.
Step 3, Profit: ???
What in the world was Microsoft thinking when they put this thing together? Only they could create something so bloated and BROKEN, just so I could freaking UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THEIR OWN DAMN EMAIL NEWSLETTERS. I'm glad I don't have email coming to multiple addresses, or I could have spent the rest of my life working through their crappy system. It's no surprise they're losing the war on spam. They can't even get unsubscribes working - something even some spammers have figured out.
Then I came to something I get 2-3 times a week: Microsoft's Office Newsletter. I know I probably signed up for this sometime when I registered a copy of office, or downloaded one of the updates for it. I know I read it once or twice and then promptly forgot about it - except that I just kept deleting it every couple of days. I clicked the unsubscribe link. Like many others, I was taken to an unsubscribe page. But this page didn't have a nice "You are now unsubscribed" message. Or even a button that said "Click here to unsubscribe." Instead, it had this message:
You've reached this page because you want to subscribe/unsubscribe to e-mail newsletters, or want us to stop sending you e-mail messages altogether. You can set your preferences at the Profile Center.Ok, I said. How do I do this? I read the next paragraph:
To reach the Profile Center, you will need to give us your Passport and password, so we can be certain someone isn't impersonating you. If you haven't registered with us before, we will ask you to create a Passport. Why? So we can be certain we never send mail unless you say so.What? They want me to sign up for some sort of Passport account? So I can unsubscribe to a newsletter? I have to give them more information about myself, just so I can stop them from sending me mail all the time? What kind of crap is this?
And what's this about "...we will ask you to create a Passport. Why? So we can be certain we never send mail unless you say so." Well, they certainly didn't have me sign up for a Passport account to send me mail, why the hell would I want to sign up for one for them to stop? I know - those scurrilous rogues out there going around and unsubscribing innocent people are getting worse every day. Thank God Microsoft is doing something about them. Jerks.
So this is the only way, huh? Sign up for more Microsoft crap just to get less of it. Being in a particularly contrary mood, I decided I'd run with it and see what it took:
Step One: Create a new .NET Passport. I jumped through the hoops. I gave them the email address they kept mailing stuff to. I gave them a password. I deciphered their nearly unreadable security image (seriously - is that a broken up "C" there or a capital "L". I decided on "L"). I made sure the "Share my email address" option was off and then typed my email address AGAIN to "sign" the agreement to be beaten by Microsoft thugs whenever Bill decided it was a good idea. I hit "I Agree". Woohoo! I was the proud new owner of a .NET Passport! And all it cost was my soul!
Step Two: Following the directions from the first unsubscribe page, I followed the link to the "Profile Center" where I was to find the link to "Current Newsletters" where I could uncheck the newsletter I wanted to remove. Well, that is, except for the fact that there is nothing labeled "Current Newsletters" on the "Profile Center" page anywhere. None. Soo...
Step Two, Revised: Click on all the menu items, looking for something like newsletter subscriptions. Ahhhh .. "Subscription Center" - that must be it. Click. Now I get a screen saying I don't have any email addresses registered with .NET, and to visit the "Profile Center" and add one! What? Didn't I just:
- a. Give you a damn email address when I signed up for the freaking passport (TWICE no less) ?
b. Just type the damn thing in AGAIN when I logged in for the first time?
Step Two, Revised Again: Go back to the "Profile Center." Sure enough, there is a section there (conveniently blank) called "My E-Mail Address" Yes, the email I'd typed three times isn't there. I have to add it. I click on the "Add" button. I add my email address. The same one I have given them THREE TIMES ALREADY! Punks. I end up on a screen warning me not to close my browser or browse away from the page before getting an email confirmation and clicking on the link enclosed. Yes - now I have to get email confirming my wish to add an email address to my account where my login is my email address. This is getting really retarded. I wait. 15 minutes goes by with me hitting the "Get Mail" button every 30 seconds or so. I get no confirmation.
Step Two, The Saga Continues: I go back to the "Profile Center." My session has expired. Nice. Just as I'm about to log in again, Mail starts bleating that it has a new message. Sure enough! It's the email confirmation I've been waiting for! I click on the enclosed link, and ... AND ... I get an error message that the email confirmation link I just received has expired and to try again. I go back to my login, enter my email address and password, and I'm back to the Profile Center. Guess what? My email address is now listed! Hurrah! I should have known that it would take an error to actually get something done on this site. What a piece of crap. Just for shits and giggles, I click on the edit button for the email address section to add another email address I get Microsoft stuff for. But guess what? It only allows one email address to be entered. Not multiple ones. Just one. See, if you had multiple addresses, I could see where the email section would make sense (sort of - why didn't it add the one I already entered a zillion times?) You could add them all in and have them all in one place for management. Instead, it's just a nuisance.
Step Two, One More Time: I return to the illustrious "Subscription Center" and sure enough - there it is. The holy grail. The Microsoft Office Newsletter with a check beside it. I unchecked it. Hit the "Apply" button and that was that.
Step 3, Profit: ???
What in the world was Microsoft thinking when they put this thing together? Only they could create something so bloated and BROKEN, just so I could freaking UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THEIR OWN DAMN EMAIL NEWSLETTERS. I'm glad I don't have email coming to multiple addresses, or I could have spent the rest of my life working through their crappy system. It's no surprise they're losing the war on spam. They can't even get unsubscribes working - something even some spammers have figured out.
Posted: Wed - January 19, 2005 at 06:33 PM
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
- H.L. Mencken
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